Crankiness

Crankiness · March 04, 2020
There are many sayings that we use everyday which we say without thinking, and these sayings make no real sense whatsoever. "Close, but no cigar!!" Why a cigar? What about a pack of cigarettes? Or what if I do not smoke, and I do not like cigars? Why can I just get whatever is behind Door Number 3? Or... "That is all she wrote." Well. Maybe she wrote more. How do we really know? And, are you saying that she did not write enough? Obviously, he did not write anything. I do not see you complaining...
Crankiness · March 02, 2020
Mr. Schlemiel wanted to retire in the country, and live on a chicken farm, but felt that he could never afford it. It was his life long dream. He vigilantly checked the Chicken Farm Real Estate Magazine, and the prices were always way above what Mr. Schlemiel could afford. But, one day, he was approached by Mr. Schmegeggi, who had heard about Mr. Schlemiel's dream to own a chicken farm, and he told Mr. Schlemiel that he had a chicken farm that was a tenth of the price of the average chicken...
Crankiness · December 07, 2019
Growing up in the Bronx, I had many Non-Jewish friends, and I looked forward to go over to their apartments in December to see their Christmas Tree all decorated and lit up. Being Jewish, we didn't have Christmas Trees, and I got even more confused when my Non-Jewish friends would ask to come over to my place to see my Chanukah Bush. I did not have a Chanukah Bush. None of my other Jewish friends had a Chanukah Bush. I do understand that Moses spoke to G-d posing as a "burning bush" on our way...
Crankiness · July 21, 2019
It is that time of the year when families start taking off for their long awaited summer vacation. However, before you even consider all the things that could go wrong on a vacation, let's take a look at all the characters that typically have been cast in the lead roles of this CrankaTsuris drama. First, we have the kids. They are all excited that they get to embark on this great adventure. They can't wait to experience new things. For weeks, they have been day dreaming their best fantasies...
Crankiness · July 15, 2019
“Tsuris” is the Yiddish word for problems. Now, when I say "problems", I am not talking about a minor daily inconvenience. I am talking about a major life changing traumatic event that has brought on such suffering that has never been experienced by anyone since the beginning of time, and something you would never wish on your worst enemy. Consider the difference in the two statements made: "I have this problem." and..... "Oy!!!!! I have such tsuris!!!! Oy!!!!" While a problem is something...
Crankiness · July 13, 2019
People always like to say "You have a right to your opinion, and I have a right to my opinion." But, the problem is that we do not really believe that anymore. What we now believe is this: "You have a right to your opinion as long as you agree to my facts. But, of course, if you agreed to my facts, then, it is obvious that you would absolutely share my opinion. Therefore, you only have a right to my opinion. You have no right to your own opinion. However, do not worry about coming down with...
Crankiness · July 09, 2019
"Get off My BacK" CrankaTsuris is one of the most painful types of CrankaTsuris. Your parents are on your back. Your siblings are on your back. Your teachers are on your back. Your boss is on your back. Even your pets can be on your back! Meow!!!! You get one person off of your back, and another three glom right on. They are like bugs and they are always multiplying. The person handing out the CrankaTsuris is not having much fun either. These people know they sound like a broken record, but...
Crankiness · July 02, 2019
The Lawrence Welk Show. If you are under 30 years old, or maybe under 40 years old, you probably have never heard of the show. However, I am a bit older, and I can tell you a bit about the Lawrence Welk Show. It ran for four years locally in Los Angeles from 1951 to 1955, and then nationally, from 1955 to 1971, followed by first run syndication from 1971 to 1982. And, if you happen to walk in to an Assisted Living facility, it may be playing on a TV somewhere through a local cable network, most...
Crankiness · June 29, 2019
Customer Care CrankaTsuris. This is something we all experience when we have a problem, and we call up the Customer Care Representative to solve the problem. We also do this, despite having the knowledge that we have tried this many times before, and it has never turned out too well. The definition of "Crazy" is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a completely different result. Well, I guess that means we are all crazy. End of Story. But, no. I do want to walk us through...
Crankiness · June 26, 2019
If the TyrantoCrankaTsuris had a best friend, it would be the CrankaTsuris Caterpillar. And the CrankaTsuris Caterpillar is almost the perfect metaphor for our own CrankaTsuris. The CrankaTsuris Caterpillar spends its life crawling through the weeds and the trees, moving slowly through the woods waiting to get eaten by birds and ladybugs. The typical CtrankaTsuris Caterpillar has 16 legs which means 16 feet! So, I imagine this conversation with my two CrankaTsuris Caterpillar friends, Zig and...

Show more